Drinksgiving 2019: Part I - The (Half) Empty Glass

Drinksgiving. 

It's the special time of year that we Pour Travelers - especially Pleeps - anticipate with utmost earnestness. Now an annual tradition for us, its roots begin in 2008 when Brewslut and I traveled to the nether reaches of Michigan (we're talkin' the upper peninsula, folks) with our then-newish beer companions, Deuane and Carolyn (you know them as D&C). After four years of galavanting all around the country - Asheville, NC; Athens, OH; and Montreal, Quebec - Deuane's work scheduled eventually "flipped" and therefore prevented them from joining us until 2019. Brewslut and I (and Pleeps, of course) carried the torch for the next several years, visiting a different city or region each year. So, think of this as the Drinksgiving "reunion tour" with all the original members. Joining us for the first time was Zeke (D&C's pet eagle) and Trevor, a little beaver from the Great White North. It was nice to have a pair of companions for Pleeps, although they spent much more time in the car than our seasoned veteran drinking monkey. Pleeps NEVER needs a break! Still, the trio of mascots provided some great photo opportunities throughout the trip. 

After a pleasant Thanksgiving dinner with D&C's family, it was time to hit the road. We decided to spend the night in Charleston, WV, which was roughly the midway point between PA and our Air B&B in Louisville, KY. 

As we approached our destination, we realized that we needed to seize the opportunity and pick up our annual "shitty beer" of the trip. Readers of the Pour Travelers by now are well aware of this little tradition we started way back on Drinksgiving 2: Electric Boogaloo (or something like that). After a quick stop at a local convenience store in WV, we settled on Four Loco Black. While not necessarily a "beer" by any stretch of the imagination, it was on the shelves next to beer and thus qualified - at least in our minds - as said "beer." It's a malt beverage, if you will... according to Four Loco's web site, it's a "premium" malt beverage. Sure it is. Plus it had alcohol... 12% to be exact. The twenty-four-ounce can would provide a solid 6-ounce pour for each of us. Probably too much, but hey, it's a tradition!

We checked into our (pretty posh) hotel in downtown Charleston, quickly dropped off our luggage, and headed down to D&C's room to crack open the Four Loco Black. The anticipation was killing me. We popped the top and proceeded to pour the contents into one of our hotel glasses. Yeah, that's right... no shitty plastic cups this year! We're livin' in the lap of luxury! OK, here goes...

Have you ever seen this color come out of a can that wasn't an energy drink?

Four Loco Black... like spillage from TMI.

Yeah, me neither. This stuff is like liquid radiation poisoning. Think watermelon Jolly Ranchers, cheap vodka, and rotten fruit belches. I suppose it served as an appropriate warm-up beer for the spectacle we were about to witness. But more on that in a bit.

Cheers to shitty beer!

It seems that most of these alcoholic energy drinks have that "smooth 12% finish." Much like the Tilt abominations of Drinksgiving past, this one was no different. Honestly, I was anticipating a dark, foreboding liquid to flow forth from the can. In hindsight, I suppose the neon green writing on the can served as a veiled warning of sorts for what layeth inside the vessel. Lesson learned. 

Done... and ready to get my D-Burps on!

After savoring my requisite share of Four Logo Black (ah, who am I kidding? I chugged that shit!), we set off to begin our evening. "Drinksgiving opening night," if you will. As always, it's difficult to find something cool happening on Thanksgiving that also involves beer. Brewslut and I were lucky to find a variety of things to do in Columbus during last year's outing. However, finding something in Charleston, WV proved a bit more taxing. Fortunately (thanks Facebook) I stumbled upon an event called "Stanksgiving." The name alone intrigued me, so I dug deeper. Turned out Stanksgiving is an annual event that takes place at an old-school beer bar and music venue in Charleston called The Empty Glass. Yes. Stanksgiving. I kid you not. Here's the official show handbill:

Stanksgiving, muthafuckas!

As soon as I read the name of the band hosting the event - Dinosaur Burps - I knew we'd be in for a treat as sweet as the aerosol whipped cream atop a big honkin' slice of pumpkin pie with honey-glazed crust! Over the next few hours, I became fixated on the event and in turn obsessed with Dinosaur Burps, much to the chagrin of my traveling companions. I mean, come one... the name of the band is DINOSAUR BURPS, for God's sake! Actually, it's not really a band, but rather a rap duo consisting of local hip hop legend B. Rude aka Megalodon Juan aka Baron Von Vittles on the mic and DJ Sqweazle aka DJ Buttery Biscuits on the tables. I knew they were legit by all of the "aka" references. B. Rude turned out to be a burly white guy with a red beard, but he had tha skillz to pay da billz, IMO, yo. (By the way, you MUST check out their Facebook page and read their bio. Fucking hilarious!) Sadly, we were pretty beat (especially Deuane) and only stuck around for part of DB's set. But let's Tarantino this shit and go back to when we first set foot in The Empty Glass.

We arrived at The Empty Glass shortly after a motley bunch of musicians called The Charleston Rogues had taken the stage. This 7-piece mixed gender group featured the instrumentation of an Irish drinking band, complete with accordion, fiddle, and penny whistle among other more traditional instruments of guitar, bass, and drums. They even had a chick playing banjo. You'd think one of the seven of them could carry a tune, but nope, not really. The main guy (who also doubled on acoustic guitar) had a decent "rowdy drunk Irishman" voice, but the other members were only good for shouting drunken one-liners here and there. But hey, this is a beer blog, not a music critique. OK, I guess it's kind of both at the moment. Of the night's trio of musical entertainment, D&C seemed to enjoy this band most. 

The Charleston Rogues kicked off the night with a romp through the Irish drinking song playbook.

The crowd was probably the most diverse gathering of people I've ever seen at a small show. People of all different age and ethnic groups, sexual orientation, gender, social cliques, and musical backgrounds made for some seriously interesting people-watching. Goth-ish young women with neon-colored makeup mingled with corduroy-donning hipsters with unusual facial hair shapes. Hippies grooved with hip-hop fans. I even talked briefly with a dude wearing an Iron Maiden shirt. It was pretty remarkable, to be perfectly honest. 

Beer-wise, the tap selection looked pretty bleak, so I inquired about "local WV beer" at the bar. We were in luck! Turns out The Empty Glass carries some cans from a few local breweries. The first, Big Timber based out of Elkins, WV, produces an IPA and Porter, both of which I tried during our Stanksgiving experience. 

The IPA weighs in at a middle-of-the-road 6.5% ABV and is on the piney side of the spectrum hop-wise. With a backbone of Marris Otter malt, this beer boasts lots of Ahtanum, Centennial, and Chinook hops, which bring on hints of pine and grapefruit, then finishes with a slight lingering bitterness. This one comes in a pounder can, and I was pretty thirsty after all that time in the car - not to mention I needed to wash away that "smooth 12% finish" of the Four Loco Black - so it went down the gullet with ease. 

The Porter was packed with strong coffee and dark chocolate notes as well as hints of stone fruit and mild tobacco. Overall, it came across as fairly sweet and slightly dry, but with a rich, round mouthfeel. I definitely preferred this one over the IPA, although I had no issues with either beer. Overall, this beer is a nice representation of the porter style. 

While Big Timber was a new brewery for me, I was actually familiar with Greenbriar Valley from last year's Drinksgiving trip when we rolled through Wheeling, WV, on the way to Columbus, OH. I'd tried its Mothman Black IPA and remembered enjoying it quite a bit. Carolyn said she preferred the Devil Anse IPA from Greenbriar Valley over the Big Timber IPA, so I ordered one. This beer is definitely on the sweeter side of the IPA spectrum with notes of bright citrus and tropical fruits. The hops definitely take center stage, forcing the mouthfeel to come across as thin but slick and oily. I'd probably give the nod to Devil Anse as well if asked to choose. Well, actually I did have to choose, because I ended up ordering more of these as the night progressed. Some local even bought me a can in my semi-drunken haze before DB took - edit, OWNED! - the stage. 

Editor's note: Perhaps they call it "The Empty Glass" because everyone orders cans and bottles. 

Unfortunately, we had to sit through the middle band, Mediogres, much to the annoyance of, well, all of us. They turned in the absolute worst rendition of Pink Floyd's "Time" I've ever heard in my life. It was wretched. It was a turd that stunk up the entire venue. Their originals weren't necessarily awful and they seemed to be fairly competent musicians, but the singer was simply atrocious. I even tried singing like him throughout the trip, but even Deuane commented, "You can't suck that bad even when you try!" I actually love the band name Mediogres, though. The bassist was kind of ogreish in his own right, actually, and looked like a slightly chunkier Krist Novoselic from Nirvana. He didn't really fit in with the band from a "looks" perspective, but he was gettin' down with the tunes, that's fo' sho'! 

Mediogres... the quality of their merch is indicative of their musical prowess.

I pleaded with Deuane stick around for some of DB's set. I had to check these guys out! I mean, I'd been waiting for this all week (OK, more like two days). Besides, we were having a great time despite the sub par music. Carolyn and I were even up front jamming for a bit, and we ended up meeting some people from Hawaii. Come to think of it, that may have been the guy who bought me a beer near the end of the night. 

I thought DB was pretty legit. The guy on the tables had some skills, and B. Rude belted out some pretty dope-ass rhymes. There was one dude right up front singing along to just about every lyric. I guess he's B. Rude's official stalker. Just as I was getting into their set and the beer really started to kick in (coincidentally, perhaps?), Deuane and Brewslut pulled the plug and it was back to the hotel for some sleepy time. 

We're just getting things fired up, folks! We covered a lot of ground in a few short days, including an impromptu "pee break," which turned into an exploration of three fine breweries in Lexington, KY, before we arrived at our Air B&B. We also experienced tons o' fun in Louisville with a dash of distilled spirits for good measure, as well as a fine stop in Cincinnati, OH, and West Virginia on the way home. We even managed to revisit a favorite from last year's Drinksgiving trip to Columbus! Stay tuned for more Pour Travelers hijinx - including plenty of Pleeps - in parts 2, 3, and 4. Until next time...

The one and only B. Rude!